(works.)

Through ______ weakness

(2020)






I told Ying a few days ago that I haven't kept a diary for a long time. The last time I wrote is "June diary" in London. At that time, I didn't want to record anything, or I knew that I had changed. Except for the specific writing topic, I no longer recorded.

I don't want to be kidnapped by my diary and be the person in the diary. And, look forward, not backward.

Until now, I have broken through many of the essential limitations of personality, such as keep unfinished things, evasion, cowardice, and having nothing to do with myself. In the end, I didn't need to pick up it individually to correct it; I stand up the line with my heart, my mind and body, to place myself on the correct line without doubts and feeling tremble. Keep breathing and feel the body is stable..




前幾天我跟Ying說,我已經很久沒有寫日記了,上次連續寫的是在倫敦的六月日記。當時也不是真的想紀錄什麼,而是我很明白自己已經變了,除了專題有關、依照某些目的之外我已經不再紀錄了。

我說:我不想被自己的日記綁架,成為日記裡的那個人。以及,往前看,不再往後。


到現在為止,我突破了很多個性上原有的限制,例如三分鐘熱度、做事情不持久、逃避、懦弱、事不關己等等,我把這些當作是修行在做,一項一項面對,到最後發現也不需要個別抓出來修正,而是從最根本的心、腦、、身體都擺在正確的線上面,就像站在騰空的線,為了不讓自己摔下來應該怎麼做,穩穩地踩上去不要懷疑,踩上去後別亂動,深呼吸,感覺身體穩定。大概就是這種感覺。



I rethought the reason why is so bad my relationship with painting this year, as the relationship with my family. There is a massive gap before understanding. I did feel sad for the situation, unfortunate in devoted strength. Now I look at the painting and feel strange. I talk to myself “you never express yourself in the way of painting. Why do you think it has a connection with you?”


That’s right.

And now, I have a link to the screen in front of me (computer screen).



今年我重新思考了我與繪畫的關係為什麼如此的糟很疏離?和我的家庭一樣,在到達理解之前有很大的空隙,我曾經為了這個空隙難過,深深地難過,類似用毀滅的力氣專心難過。現在我看著畫,覺得陌生,我跟自己說:「妳也從來不用畫的方式表達,怎麼會覺得它跟妳有連結?」


是的我跟畫沒有連結。

但現在,我跟眼前的畫面(電腦螢幕)有連結。






























A very rational person

And an unreasonable person

Hiding behind a gentle mask




I feel that after walking down these layers, I no longer care about myself so that I thrilled the beauty of "self", "abstract existence", "simpleness", and "intuition", which is very close to art for me.





一個非常理性的人

和一個完全不講道理的人

藏在溫和的面具後面


我覺得走下這幾層後,不再關心自己,我才能感覺thrilled 「自己」、「抽象存在」、「單純」、「直覺」的美,這對我來說是很接近藝術的行為。